Over the last eight months I have become really close friends with a guy from work. We text all the time, working with him is always really fun (we joke around, tease each other, and get in water fights with the spray bottles and the dish washing sprayer thingy), we have even gone to a dance (JUST AS FRIENDS) together. He works all the time, so the only time we get to hang out is in the store. It is a rare day that we don't text each other, even when I'm gone on vacation.
About a month ago, I started to realize that I was really starting to like this guy, but I wasn't going to tell him. That's just not my style. I'm more the kind of girl who stays quiet and just wishes on stars and dandelion fluff, and throws pennies in wishing wells.
This last week was our annual County Fair. Living in rural Utah this is kind of a big deal. My personal favorite part of the Fair is the PRCA Rodeo that takes place the last two nights. The Friday before the rodeo was to begin I asked my friend if he wanted to go with me. Unfortunately, he worked both nights. I wasn't too bummed out, however. I had kind of figured that would happen. Like I said, he works a lot. The weekend rolled around like it typically did: we texted all of the time and goofed off at work. Then Tuesday, I was hanging out with him and his friend at the store while they worked, and I hid from the rain. I happened to mention that I was really excited for the rodeo. He kind of perked up a little and went over and looked at the schedule. Then he smiled and said something along the lines of "I'll try and find someone to trade me shifts on Friday so we can go." On the outside I played cool and collected, like: "oh that's cool. It will be fun." But in my head it was more like this: "ohmygosh!! He said he would try and find someone to cover for him!!!!!" The next day, I texted him to see if he had found anyone who would be willing to trade him shifts. Considering there were only two people, besides myself, who were not working that night. I doubted he would be able to. My thoughts were confirmed. He hadn't found anyone yet. The next day (the day before the rodeo) I asked again. Once again he said he hadn't been able to find anyone. I jokingly asked if he wanted me to talk to some people. He said to go for it, so I did. I didn't have any luck either. I texted him with the news and he seemed completely bewildered and confused as to why I was trying to find people to cover his shift. That made me a little angry and hurt that he had completely forgotten our entire conversation from just minutes earlier. I said some things that I maybe shouldn't have said, realized I had been incredibly rude, and apologized. Though, if you asked me now, I can't even remember what I had said.
The next day, I texted him to tell him I could cover for him while he registered for school the upcoming week. No reply. This confused me a little. Maybe he had found someone to trade his shifts?! So I waited until three, when the morning shift usually ends, thinking he would text me when he got off work. Nothing. I waited until five, then seven. Still nothing. By this point I had talked to some of my girlfriends and had decided to go to the rodeo with them instead. On my way to the rodeo, I stopped in the store to check my schedule. Guess who was there. Yep. There he was, washing dishes like nothing else mattered. He didn't say two words to me the whole time I was back there. Granted, it was only about thirty seconds, but still it was weird. Something was definitely wrong between us, it was obvious.
That night, my friends and I decided that maybe he figured that I had been trying to ask him out and had freaked out and was now not speaking to me in hopes of effectively friend-zoning me. (Note: I never had any plans of moving out of the friend-zone without him making the first move. The rodeo was supposed to be just for fun.) The next day passed without a single text, and I was becoming more and more paranoid. I was supposed to be closing the store with him that night. That meant at least three hours of no other workers but us in the store. If we weren't talking, that would make for a painfully long and awkward night.
When I arrived at the store for my shift the tension in the air was thick enough to cut with one of our sandwich knives. He wouldn't speak to me, or hardly even look at me for that matter, unless I directly addressed him. Then he would say one or two words and walk off. He would laugh and talk with the other worker, but when I came around he would shut right up. It was horrible. Then to my suprise, when seven o'clock rolled around, he made a pizza and clocked out. He had traded shifts with the other worker! He said it was so he could go to the rodeo, but I feel like it was so he wouldn't have to be around me.
Today I tried to text him again to ask what was wrong and apologize once again for being so rude. The only reply was: I don't feel like talking right now. To say the least. I gave him his space and didn't reply. Then, out of the blue a couple of hours later I get a text from him saying he's sorry for leaving, it wasn't my fault and that he had a question for me.
I began to hardcore panic. He has a question for me? What kind of question? Crap. He is probably going to ask if I like him or not. What do I say if he does? I can't tell him I like him. Then I will really scare him off if I haven't already. I know! I will just play dumb and act like I don't know what he is talking about. Yes, perfect plan, I will play the dumb blonde card. But, Aften, you aren't really blonde. Shut up self! I was born blonde and my hair darkened. Technically that counts as being blonde.
Ten minutes after I tell him to ask away, I get a response that says: no, never mind.
What!?! That was it? "No, never mind" That is what I was so afraid of??
My response conveyed my confusion. And he responded with: "sorry, bye"
I haven't attempted in a response so our conversation (if you can even call it that) has long since died.
Now, every time my phone lights up with a new message my heart stops for a moment in pure terror that this time it will be my friend, asking his terrifying question.
